Harry Potter and the Theory of Normalcy
by KaiyeInternational
Summary: "Normal" is an illusion. What is normal for the spider is chaos for the fly.
1. Intro

_Harry Potter and the Theories of Normalcy_

So this story is partially to apologize for what happened with the Hogwarts Years and partially an idea that has been kicking around my head all October. So before I post the first chapter, here are some things you might want to know:

 **-Instead of being set in the canon timeline, this story is set about 5 years later.**

 **-There will be a lot of analysis of Petunia and Lily's relationship, and how it affects Petunia's treatment of Harry.**

 **-This story probably won't be very ship heavy.**

 **-I plan on fleshing out the relationship between the Ministry for/of Magic and the non-magical government**

 **-I am an American and thus no very little about British politics. That said, I have been researching a bit into the UK's political climate, and I will try to accurately portray the different figures that will be mentioned in the non-magical government.**

 **-Because we are told very little about Hermione in canon, I considered her background a free-for-all, something I could twist to my will, as a result this Hermione will be different from the Hermione in canon, mostly because I don't actually know the background of canon Hermione.**

 **-I have no set update schedule for this, but I never forget a story (even the ones I have deleted in the past). I will update as often as possible now that I have more free time than I did in the past.**

 **-This is a fanfiction, meaning that I am not profiting off of the work of J.K. Rowling, the government of the United Kingdom, any car companies, Scholastic, Warner Brothers, the works of Charles Addams or any other entity that may be mentioned within this work.**

Recommended Stories Are:

Run that by me again? By Sarah1281

The Debt of Time by Shayalonnie

A Godfather in Gotham by serendu

While You Were Gone by atruwriter

30 Minutes That Changed Everything by Radaslab

* * *

Introduction: Number Three Privet Drive

Harry Potter had been living with his aunt and uncle, Petunia and Vernon Dursley, at Number 4 Privet Drive for five years almost to the day before there was another of sign of the strange and unusual in Little Whinging.

Harry's second year of primary school had started, and since the end of the last school year, Aunt Petunia had enjoyed discussing with the other neighbors on how the couple in Number 3 had vacated the property after having only lived there for 3 months. This, Aunt Petunia was often heard speculating, was because Mrs. Number 3 had been having an affair with a delivery man one of the local restaurants ("I saw him, one evening, using the company vehicle. He knocked on the door, she invited him in, and he didn't leave for _hours_ "). Towards the end of October, however, there was finally more news about Number 3. It had been sold, and "obviously" by someone well-off because Aunt Petunia had seen on the new Rolls in front of the house the day the "For Sale" sign had been removed. Try as she may, though, she had never caught a glimpse of Privet Drive's newcomers. In fact, none of the old residents had.

What they had seen, however, was a large assortment of odd and antique furniture being moved into the house. Why, Mrs. Number 2's daughter swore she saw a stuffed lion being brought in!

Petunia couldn't imagine what would possess someone to have any sort of stuffed animal, let alone a lion, within their quaint urban town. She wondered, for a brief moment, if this family had anything to do with her nephew, a boy whose mysterious appearance on Privet Drive she and Vernon had struggled to explain some years before. After all, how does one tell the neighbors that the headmaster of one's dead sister's secondary school had left a baby on the front step in the beginning of November and one wasn't, couldn't really, investigate the obvious crime that had been committed?

Petunia scowled as she peeked out the living room window where she had been vacuuming the curtains, trying to catch a glimpse of the Number 3's new residents. Even from the grave, Lily was causing her trouble.


	2. The Neighbors

Harry Potter and the Theory of Commonality

Chapter One: The Neighbors

Although it was only his second year of school, Harry Potter had long since accepted that, much like at home, he would be isolated and taunted by those around him. His lump of a cousin, Dudley, made sure of that with a mixture of physical and verbal intimidation. Even those who seemed sympathetic to Harry's plight, made sure to not to express such sentiment when Dudley was around, and the teachers, for some reason or another, never noticed.

This explained the mild shock he received when, on Halloween morning, he saw a girl sitting in one of the chairs at the table which he usually sat. It was only upon further scrutiny that Harry's shock was dispelled: He'd never seen this girl before, therefore, she had to have been a new student to whom the rules of Little Hangleton Primary had yet to be explained. By the end of the day, she would have left him alone, just like everyone else.

Feeling strangely bereft, Harry hiked his used backpack further on to his thin shoulders and walked over to the little table.

As he came closer, Harry couldn't help but notice more about the girl. At first sight, all one could see was a cloud of bushy dark brown hair surround her head, dark eyes just managing to peek out from behind long bangs. She was wearing what looked an oversized dark red shirt which, in conjunction with her voluminous hair, made her look as small as him.

Harry glanced around the room again.

Still no one had arrived, his cousin and the rest of his classmates were probably choosing to talk in the halls before being forced into class by a passing faculty member. This could be his chance!

"Hello. My name is Harry."

The girl looked at him, and despite her cold expression, her eyes were warm. "I'm Hermione. I hope you don't mind my sitting here. It was the only table that didn't have a lot of nameplates at it."

" _Should I warn her_?" Harry wondered to himself. Save her and himself the pain of Dudley interfering before they got attached? "That's because most of the other kids don't like me," he said, "they think I'm weird."

Hermione looked him up and down. "You don't seem too out of the ordinary to me. Besides, don't people generally flock to people of extraordinary status? Otherwise, why would Take That or East 17 be so popular?" (1)

Her scornful tone made him smile a bit. He'd heard some of the girls in class extoll praises of both groups in the past. That Hermione didn't seem like to like them gave him hope that maybe she would be different enough to still want to be his friend even after Dudley set her straight. But then, wouldn't that just get her into more trouble?

Harry shook his head. "You don't want to sit here. Dudley will make fun of you, or worse. I think one of the other tables still has an empty space."

Hermione raised an eyebrow. "Hmmm. I think I'll stay here if it's all the same to you. See for myself."

Harry felt conflicted. On the one hand, he _had_ warned her, if she chose to discount his warning and stay near him, he really shouldn't complain. On the other hand, if they had any chance of being and staying friends, Dudley was sure to ruin it if she stayed. In the end though, he decided to follow Hermione's lead; she seemed so stubborn that there probably wasn't much of an option otherwise anyway.

* * *

Petunia Dursley couldn't believe her luck. While under the guise of covering her rose garden from the coming winter chill (The boy had missed some weeds; this might warrant discipline.), she had finally glimpsed her new neighbors! (2)

At about half nine, the same black Rolls she had seen a few days ago had pulled up in the drive. She was mildly surprised to see three people exit the car, a man and two women. She assumed one of them was the real estate agent, checking on the move. The new Mr. Number 3 was a tall man with curly, sandy brown hair. He wore black business trousers and a dark grey trench coat, appropriate for the late autumn chill. His wife, however, was dressed most inappropriately. Her slinky, low cut, black dress clung to every curve to the point where it looked as if she couldn't walk normally, evidenced by her shuffling to around to the boot of the car to remove some shopping bags. The black mink coat she wore did nothing to disguise it either. How scandalous to have a woman such as she living on Privet Drive!

"It's a little cozy, but for Christmas, we can go up to Braemar," Petunia strained to here the real estate agent saying, "that is if you and Gomez still want to spend the holidays with us." (3)

Mrs. Number 3 smiled with what looked like pride. "Why wouldn't we want to spend the holidays with my favorite sister? Besides, Puglsey and Wednesday can't wait to see Hermione again."

While the women were talking, Mr. Number 3, " _Gomez_ ," Petunia's brain supplied, had taken the shopping bags from his wife, and dropped an absentminded kiss on his sister-in-law's cheek. "Thanks, Morticia, Monday and I were a bit worried, what with Mama's feelings on certain life choices, you and Gomez might be a bit hesitant to stay with us." (4)

Morticia's smile remained on her face. "Immanuel, I have known Monday her entire life, and even if I don't understand all her decisions, I will support her because she's my baby sister."

Petunia blinked. It seems that she had misread the situation. The real estate agent was actually Mrs. Number 3, Miss Slinky-Dress was her sister, and Mr. Number 3's name was Immanuel, with the mysterious Gomez having not made an appearance. (5) Though the names "Gomez" and "Morticia" did ring a distant bell within her head.

* * *

Author's Notes:

We have neighbors! Look forward to learning more about them as the story progresses, although I suppose that technically, you already know Hermione.

Also, did I really take less than a month to update? *sniffles* I'm so proud of myself.

(1)- I had to google some boy bands that would have existed at this point, and I must say, East 17 had an interesting sound for a boy band. Well, for a boy band in the early 90s, anyway.

(2)- This is a real gardening tip! If you want to save yourself from having to buy new flowers in the spring, cover your more delicate flowers in the winter. That said, rose bushes generally don't need to be covered, which is why I assume Petunia is only doing it to spy on the Grangers.

(3)- Braemar is a real place. It's in Scotland about 80 miles away from Perth.

(4)- In Addams Family Values, one of the scenarios Grandma Frump mentions as an example of awful things that could happen to Pubert's reaction to Fester's situation was that he could be an orthodontist. This leads me to believe that, although Monday isn't an orthodontist, her mother still wouldn't approve of her going into dentistry.

(5)- Though I didn't describe what Monday was wearing, Petunia assumed that she was a real estate agent, or business woman in general, because she was wearing pants. Petunia and Vernon strike me as the type of people that believe women shouldn't work unless they are old and/or unmarried. They also strike as the type of people that think only working women wear pants.


	3. Playground Confrontations

Harry Potter and the Theory of Normalcy

Chapter Two: Playground Confrontations

As the year two primary students gathered at the playground of Little Hangleton Primary for recess, Hermione Granger allowed herself a small, predatory smile in anticipation for the inevitable conflict between her and Dudley Dursley. All throughout class, the heavyset blonde had glared at her with his piggy little eyes. As the looks persisted, it became obvious that Dudley was probably behind whatever circumstances that had Harry warning her off earlier that morning.

"Oi! Beaver!"

Hermione rolled her eyes as she walked towards the swings with Harry. It was not the first time her rather large front teeth had been likened to that of the oversized rodent, but she never understood why being like a beaver was supposed to make her more susceptible to torment.(1) Rabbit probably would have been better. Shrugging, she continued walking with Harry.

Dudley stormed over to the petite brunette, his face glaring shade of red, despite the cold weather. Huffing, Dudley shoved Hermione so that she fell to Harry's feet. From her spot on the ground, Hermione glared at the boy. She then quickly got to her feet, icy expression still on her face. Though Harry had only known her for a few hours, he could tell that Dudley had made a large mistake.

If Hermione's internal feelings were to have physical representation, Harry had a feeling that her hair would been moving in an invisible wind, her eyes glowing with red hot rage, her face twisted into a snarl, and she probably would have grown fangs. As it was, her bushy hair seemed to inflate with electricity. When later questioned, students would swear that they had seen lightening crackling off her head. Everyone agreed that Dudley had stepped in deep smit.

Eyes narrowed in disgust, Hermione grabbed Dudley's hand, nails digging into his skin as she pulled him toward her.

"I don't care how self-important you are. You have no right to put your hands on ANYONE, do you understand? Your infantile way of trying to keep in control of those around you, to keep them from turning on you may work now, but eventually karmic retribution will have you in an unhappy domestic life, drinking, abusing your so-called loved ones, and arrested. You'll probably spend at least half of your life in and out of correctional facilities, with your life ending before you reach 50 either because of your poor health or your poor life choices," she whispered into his ear, grip tightening with every sentence.

When she let go, red nail marks shown on Dudley's hand, one or two bleeding.

* * *

Petunia Dursley was conflicted. On the one hand, from moving in to the overheard conversation, it was increasingly obvious that the residents of Number 3 Privet Drive were as un-Dursleyish as possible. In fact, they seemed downright freakish (though not as freakish as Lily…). On the other hand, it also seemed fairly obvious that they were very well-off. Their potential connections could introduce the Dursley to a brand new level of society.

That said, it was only "potential" connections. Was the possibility that the Number 3s _weren't_ rich or connected worth the risk of flouting her neighborly duties? Were those possible connections worth associating her family with people so bizarre?

Standing in her kitchen in front of a serving dish of blueberry crumble, Petunia came to her decision.

* * *

Author's Note:

HAPPY NEW YEAR! I meant to upload this around Christmas, but some things came up. I'll be trying to stick to my once per month updating schedule.

(1) Beavers are very territorial creatures and have been known to viciously attack animals that intrude into their marked area. At least this version of Hermione sees no problem with being compared with a beaver (even if it's only on an aesthetic level) because to her, it's an accurate representation.

Thanks for reading!


	4. Before the Storm

Harry Potter and the Theory of Normalcy

Chapter Three: Before the Storm

Petunia Dursley was not sure that she had ever been in a more macabre lounge.

Animal pelts, statues of armor, weapons, and a fairly large stuffed lion stood out amongst medium gray walls and black leather furniture. In one corner, a rather large snake sat under a heating lamp. Petunia was certain the moment it no longer felt like basking lazily it would lunge for any of the room's occupants, probably her first.

"Oh, that's just Daisy," Mrs. Granger smiled at her, having noticed where her gaze had been drawn. "She's harmless for now. She's been milked recently."

Petunia paled, "Milked?" How does one milk a snake?

"That means her venom has been extracted. Her body needs time to produce more." Mrs. Granger crossed her pants-clad legs, leaning further back into her plush arm chair. "Besides, she's always fairly lethargic after milking. Partially because we make sure to feed her afterwards. You know, as a reward for being such a darling." Her dark eyes twinkled, as if sharing in a private joke.

It stuck Petunia that, had it not been for their awful taste in decor, choice of pet, and clothing, Mrs. Monday Granger and her younger sister, Morticia would be very striking women. Both had pale skin and glittering dark eyes. Morticia's cheekbones were like finely cut diamonds, features any girl in a fashion magazine would be envious of. Monday, on the other hand, had a soft, round face, giving her the appearance of never ending youth. Petunia had been very shocked to discover that Morticia was the younger.

Both had married well. Morticia was the wife of the sole heir to the Addams family while, apparently, Mr. Immanuel Granger was a relative of the Countess of Mar and even owned some acreage of land near Baelmar (1.). Upon this discovery, Petunia had perked up, reassured in her decision to greet the new rich, though _unusual_ , neighbors. Already she pictured herself and Vernon being invited to dinner parties and teas with royalty and wealthy business with whom she could converse and make connections. This would blow Mrs. Number Two's trip to Versailles out of the perverbiable water. All she had to do was chalk the oddities that came with these Adamses and Grangers to the eccentricities of the wealthy.

Now all she had to do was convince Vernon not to alienate them. (2.)

* * *

Harry Potter was not sure how he found himself in these situations.

He was supposed to be walking home with Dudley (or rather, two feet behind Dudley if he wanted to avoid recompense for Hermione's actions on the playground earlier), but instead, he was sitting in the backseat of the most expensive car he'd ever seen off the telly with Hermione Granger next to him.

The man driving, her father judging by the head of thick brown curls the man had pulled into a tail at the back of his head, was tapping his fingers along to some sad-sounding song playing on the radio. "So where am I going, young man?" Mr. Granger asked.

Harry shrugged. He'd never really known the address of his aunt and uncle. He'd just memorized the way to walk to and from school because Uncle Vernon was often reluctant to allow Harry in his car. "I know it's number 4, sir. Not entirely sure the street, sir."

Mr. Granger's head tilted a bit. He had a very _odd_ feeling about this boy. Not odd like the way that his parent's viewed Monday, but more a worried odd.

When he'd first driven up to the elementary school to pick up Hermione, while Monday and Morticia entertained their neighbor, he had been surprised to see Hermione sitting on a bench next to a skinny boy who seemed to almost curl into himself as Immanuel approached them. He'd not been surprised, however, when Hermione had marched the boy over to the car, gently pushing him into the backseat as she informed her father that they would be giving her new friend a ride home.

The fact that the boy didn't know his own addressed was a bit inconvenient.

Immanuel gave a slight shrug. "Then I'll take you to our house. You and Hermione can play while I look your relatives up in the directory."

Harry wasn't sure the smile the appeared on Hermione's face would bode well for hm in the future.

* * *

I'm not dead! And, obviously, I haven't forgotten this story. I seriously tried to stick to my policy of updating once a month, but life just caught up with me, and as a result, my ability to work on this story was seriously compromised. But, I wanted to get this out before the holidays really kicked off! I can't promise that things will get back on schedule, but I do promise that I have all intentions of finishing this story.

(1a.) This is a real person though almost completely unrelated to this story beyond her name and country of origin. Baelmar is also real, and is actually a pretty cool castle that I definitely recommend checking out.

(1b.) Also, in response to Gomez being the heir to the Addams family, I'm going by the family tree of the 60s/70s tv show and cartoon in which Fester was actually _Morticia's_ uncle, thus Gomez is actually the head of the Addams family.

(2.) Going by the books, Vernon always seemed more adverse to magic than Petunia. Whereas as Pet was obviously jealous and resentful of the effect magic had on her relationship with Lily, Vernon was more xenophobic, fearing magic and magic users to the point that it became hatred. Based on this observation, I'll write Vernon as a very conservative man prone to lashing out on whatever he considers to be counter-cultural. Boiled down, this means while I may view Petunia a potentially redeemable (think Cousin Itt's wife in the movies), forgiveness and atonement for Vernon would be a much longer road if he chooses to go down it.


End file.
